A Story: Shifting from Overwhelm to Clarity Author: MJ Resto (Coach MJ), Connect For Success Leaders Alliance
Have you ever felt like you’ve been operating from a place that’s just not optimal and not up to your standards? Do you ever think of things like, “I want to feel better, think more clearly, and I really want to get my business to the next level?”
You might even have a sense or a hope that there’s “another way” but you just don’t know what it is. In effect, you might feel like it’s time to have your cake and eat it too.
Hi, I’m Miki Jo Resto (or just MJ). For the last 20 years I’ve been coaching and mentoring high-impact leaders and entrepreneurs through personal transformations and business breakthroughs, mostly because I’m the same. I am a transformation coach and have decades of business experience. I have learned along the way that if we want to experience the most fulfilling version of ourselves and in what we create, this approach just isn’t enough. We need to build our businesses in a way that is energy gaining, and not draining. Ambitious pros like us can really burn all our candles out.
I’ve coached thousands of people and have seen close-up that we need to do more than just manage stress. Considering the long-time proven connection between stress and disease, stress must be transformed. I want my clients to feel truly alive and inspired, especially when working because that’s where we spend so much of our time.
Let me tell you about Christina. She’s a senior leader at a mid-size tech company and, also, dabbles in her own side business that grosses quite an income for part-time. She often burned her candles on both ends but she loved her work. Growing up, she watched her father be enterprising like this so, she figured it was in her blood.
She has a family and her young son had recently been diagnosed with a health challenge. This was a game changer. Now she needed the side business for medical bills, and she needed to spend more time focused on her family. She thought, “I can figure it out. I’ll do it all,” because that was Christina’s standard approach.
Along her journey, she figured out things were different this time. Showing up for all of her roles - first as mother, corporate leader and then a boutique business owner - was stretching her way too thin. She heard about me from a referral and Christina called when she realized she didn’t have all the answers this time. She needed help to create balance in a way that she never needed before, and she couldn’t change the situation she was in.
As we worked together, her big AH-HA came when she truly understood that she was always solving everything – and the pressure she put on herself to have all of the answers. “I can’t help it,” she said. “It’s the way I’ve always been.”
The key for change and balance came when she understood there are three kinds of inner strengths that serves us in different ways. It’s like magic when you work them together. I call it accessing your unseen power.
Plain and simple, the 3 types of strengths are:
As Christina learned about herself on each of these levels, she gained insights that clearly laid out her unique path. As Christina learned more about herself and practiced aligning her core values, inspiration and talents in new and different ways, she shifted quickly from overwhelm to feeling calm, effective and strong.
Christina learned to enter Present Moment Awareness and Flow, not from a book or an affirmation but rather because she was navigating life highly aware of her unique combination of strengths.
How is it possible? Does knowing more about your strengths really create such a difference? First, let me share that you don’t have just a few strengths, you have many waiting to be discovered or re-discovered. I’ve developed a coaching method that elevates your “state-of-being” to elevate what you create. Learning to use these strengths in new and different ways, plus building a stronger mind-body-brain connection that increases life-force (healthful energy), gave Christina access to this new experience.
I should add to my background that I mentioned earlier, I am also a National Board-Certified Health & Wellness Coach and Certified Functional Medicine Health Coach. I believe health is such an important part of the equation that I’ve earned certifications from the best science-based health coaching programs available.
Allow me to finish about Christina, there’s a little more to her story. Christina knew that feeling overwhelmed turned her into an emotional eater. She ate to “treat” herself, to soothe or fill up – not because she was hungry. She realized there were connections between her relationship with food, how she treated herself, and how she showed up for others. She decided that consciously transforming her relationship with food would lead her to create a systemic change that would improve how she showed up everywhere.
She used her three types of strengths not only to create balance, but also to strengthen her mind-body-brain connection. This, in effect, created a calm and clear balance for her family, increased her creative thinking and effectiveness, and she transformed her relationship with food. Christina elevated her STATE-OF-BEING and elevated how she affects everyone and everything around her, elevating what she creates.
If you’re interested in learning more about how to use your own strengths to create a breakthrough, click on this link for a free mini-course (http://justimagineyourhealth.com/free-mini-course/) from Imagine Your Health. If you have more curiosity and questions, feel free to email MJ at MJ@CoachwithMJ.com.
Protecting your time... When you are a solopreneur there sometimes seems to be more to do in each day, than can be done! We all feel it. Protecting one of your most valuable assets, your time, can help you get things done and streamline your day, your week and your month. Over the years through trial and error, I have implemented a few simple, yet effective methods that help me to do just that. Following are what I consider to be the most important.
1. Create a routine. We don't need to remind ourselves to take a shower or brush our teeth. Why? Because it's routine. Once a task or activity is woven into your life, it becomes second nature. This applies to any business. Pick one or two “must get done” and/or income-producing activities and add them to your weekly schedule. Once you begin to create them as a habit, add more from there. As you add these habits into your business life, you will see that ROUTINE BREEDS SUCCESS!
2. Set boundaries for yourself. If you struggle with spending too much time on appointments; in other words, a meeting that could easily be an hour but usually turns into two; you can adopt another good HABIT that will help you manage your time, show others that you are a true professional and emulate leadership by example. When you make an appointment or schedule a meeting, let the other person/s know how much time to anticipate for said appointment. It doesn't have to be formal or stuffy. You can simply say "I think an hour should be enough, do you agree?" When you arrive at the appointment, state once again "okay we have an hour, we better get right to it". The same applies to telephonic meetings... "I've carved out 20 minutes for us..."
3. Phone it in. If you work with others, as part of a team and you need to connect for a little brainstorming and you love the idea of face-to-face interaction (I know I do!), it's really tempting to go sit in that cute little coffee shop or your favorite restaurant, but you also know deep down inside that that coffee "date" will most likely turn into and hour and a half or even two, plus travel time -- STOP! Ask yourself "is this an income producing activity"? "Is this the best use of my time"? "Is this the best use of THEIR time"? If there's any doubt at all... Have a phone call instead! 30 minutes on the phone or 2-1/2 hours at the coffee shop drinking and eating the stuff you shouldn't anyway!
4. Use a timer! While this may sound silly, I bet you have had those times when you sit down to do one task and then you end up chasing rabbits and before you know it, 2 hours has gone by! If you need to complete a task like cleaning out the in box or checking your social media or whatever it may be, simply set a timer. Then if you haven't completed your task in the allotted time, YOU GET to decide if you will allow yourself a few more minutes, again set the timer! You'll see how much time we WASTE doing activities that produce very little!
5. Lastly, keep you word. If you set out to add one or two of these tips to your life and begin to set the expectations with those you’re interacting with, BUT don't follow through, for example, you say your meeting will be an hour and it turns into two… You run the risk of losing credibility and trust. KEEP YOURSELF accountable!
There’s an old saying… If you don’t control your time, everything else will! So let's safeguard our time!
This is a topic that most business people have to deal with at some point in their career. I've seen it in the Business to Business (B to B) world and I've seen it in the Business to Consumer (B to C) world. Heck, I’ve even experienced it first-hand! When I first ventured into the world of being self-employed over twenty years ago, the thought of taking it personal didn't even cross my mind. I was, in fact, a professional. Period. Why on earth would I take it personal? Well, I had a lot to learn. You see, while we can say all day long that we don't take things personal. The truth is, when you're self-employed it IS personal. Look it’s even in the title - "self" employed. It IS about you, right? Not really, but what it is about is how we handle things that may go awry or not the way we expected. Here's what I've learned:
First and foremost, I’ve learned to check my expectations at the door. No matter what’s going on in my personal or financial life, I have to take a deep breath and realize that the way I treat my business now, will surely determine its future. I recently read a quote on character: "Character, not circumstance, makes the person" - Booker T. Washington. I'd like to say character, not circumstance, makes the business. When things are going in your favor, it's simple to exhibit character. But, when things aren't going as planned or happening as quickly as we'd like, that’s when we have to make a choice.
Business and life are all about choices. All the choices we make have consequences, both good and bad. I had to make a conscious choice not to take things personal in business. Now, this wasn't an epiphany that occurred for no reason. There were circumstances that lead to this realization. Circumstances that made me realize that I ALWAYS have a choice on how to respond to what’s happening.
Here are my 8 go-to tips when I have that choice to make:
Today, I can honestly say, I take nothing in personal in business. It was and is a process, but it has changed my business life and my thinking. I think you'll agree that being self-employed is hard enough. I think we inadvertently make it more difficult on ourselves when we take it personal. Four ways I have changed my thinking include:
So, if you're like me and have had those moments where you feel as though you’re guilty of taking it too personal, just regroup. Don't beat yourself up, just work toward improvement each day. Your future-self will thank you!
So, you want to be self-employed, have a business of your own, control your time and your income? That was me twenty years ago! I set out to change my life and give up the corporate grind for those same reasons and I did just that. That journey however, came with lessons learned, bumps, bruises, setbacks, required personal growth and stretched me ways I would not have experienced otherwise and I am grateful for all of it. So, what did I learn? Well, I learned a lot.
Two simple, yet powerful concepts kept me grounded back then and twenty years later still keep me on track. I also find that some of the most simple concepts are the ones that, while the most effective, also need reminding. These concepts have served me well and my hope is that this reminder will serve you.
First, I believe to be successfully self-employed requires a commitment. Commitment, not only to the end result, which is the fun part, but commitment to the process that is the "daily grind" and sometimes, the not-so-fun part.
Have you ever looked closely at what it really means to make a commitment? Do you feel as though you have made a true commitment to your goals? Only you can answer that. Let's extrapolate "true commitment" by taking a close look at two words that are synonymous with commitment: prosecution and perseverance.
You may be thinking prosecution is an unusual word in this context, but simply put, prosecution means to follow until the end or pursue until finished and that for sure applies here. Perseverance is an obvious word choice for this subject but maybe we hear the word so often that its meaning has become dull. To persevere means to be steadfast, determined, purposeful in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success. The key phrase, I believe in "re-defining" perseverance is "despite difficulty or delay". So how badly do you want to have success? Badly enough to be fully committed, willing to prosecute and able to persevere despite difficulty or delay?
The second concept has to do with the daily grind. Daily activity and daily schedules. If you're anything like me, there will always be more things on your to-do list, than can be done in a day. I think most of us today lead very busy lives with kids, spouses, careers, the list goes on... I believe we can gain more control over our life and schedule our time better if we re-position our mindset about the things that need doing, how we prioritize and set boundaries on the things we choose to do and sometimes choosing to say no.
The good news is that daily activity and scheduling isn't a skill, it's a simple discipline. If you can discipline yourself for a while, eventually your daily activities will become a way of life, a habit. We don’t need to think about daily activities like showering, feeding our families, taking care of our kids – it’s a way of life. I believe in order to be successfully self-employed, we need to develop, maintain and nurture certain good habits and make them a way of life.
In closing... The successfully-self-employed are committed, persevering, disciplined and keep it simple. If you follow these concepts, no matter what the industry, you too can have your own business, set your own schedule and be in control of your income.
Building a solid business network can be the key to success in almost any business and if you are self employed your contacts and relationships are your lifeline... BUT how do you really build those relationships? Especially if you have a short time to get to know someone.
Have you ever gone to a networking event, mixer, luncheon or fund-raiser and felt uncomfortable introducing yourself? Maybe you can easily introduce yourself but you're unsure of what to say next or how to continue the conversation. If so, you’re not alone.
Think about the reason you are attending the event. Is it to promote your business? To make some new contacts? To learn something business-relevant? All of the above? I believe it should be, whenever possible, all of the above!
So, how do we do all of that without being THAT person? Who is THAT person? The one who only talks and doesn’t listen or is looking everywhere except at you. The one who tries to “sell” you immediately. The one who thinks if they explain every detail of their business, you’ll need it, like it or want it.
I firmly believe that most people are not doing this on purpose. Maybe they're unsure of themselves, they’re probably nervous and they’ve obviously not be coached.
I'd like you to consider a mindset switch. Let's think not just about meeting new people but really CONNECTING. This is a process. Connecting is pro-active, action-oriented, intentional and a choice. The best news is that most of us already know how to do this!
Successful CONNECTORS are authentic, confident but not arrogant, enthusiastic, glad to be there, good listeners, others-focused and engaging. Connecting in business is NOT very much different than the way you socialize! Think of how you act in a social setting; at a child's birthday party, a school function, a wedding, a baby shower, a party with friends.
I believe anyone can be successful at connecting and contrary to popular belief, you do not have to be an extrovert to effectively connect. While some of us are outgoing people, some are quiet but good listeners. Some may need to develop the "skill" but connecting CAN be learned and we are by nature, relational so it's in our genes.
Above all, successful connectors are helpful. Make sure you have something to offer those you want to connect with, even if it's in directly! Offer to really help even if you don't have a need for their product or service and be creative. Always have “tools” in your toolbox - invite them to something where they can meet more people. Be genuine. Be intentional. This takes energy and requires patience.
So, what do you say or do? First and foremost, smile! Ask authentic questions. Try to find a connection point: kids, pets, interests (sports, travel, cooking, healthy lifestyles), geography (where are you from originally? Compliment them but please, be genuine.
My business introduction usually starts with my story, which is BOTH personal and professional. I also show some vulnerability to help others see that I'm real. I want to help a new connection feel comfortable talking to me with no pressure.
In Closing... If you know what you want to achieve in networking and have realistic expectations, consider quality over quantity, are intentional but not canned and are genuine and not in "sales" mode; you'll make some new connections, maybe make a new professional-friend or two and you'll have fun!